We begin this week’s You’re Cut Off! exactly where we left off…
…Jenn’s melting down before our eyes. I mean this as close to literally as one can get without actually dripping skin…
…she’s melting, she’s melting. “This isn’t funny. I can’t eat. I can’t poop. I have not gotten my period yet,” she whines. And then someone tells her to get her stuff and she stumbles over her own mockery: “Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, get it yourself, we don’t have time…f*** you!” Needless to say, Jenn is cut off from You’re Cut Off! Which is to say that she’s still on. Not the show, obviously, but her parents’ payroll. Right? That’s what that means? Two negatives make a cha-ching, right? I can’t be sure, as I am not a scientist.
Everyone is elated about this…
…especially Jesswoww, who cheers when Laura informs the group that Jenn will not be coming back the day after the meltdown.
Everyone, that is, except for Hana, who misses her friend and who won’t join the group until she’s done eating her cereal, causing them all to wait. “Why won’t she just let me eat my Cocoa Puffs in peace?” Hana wonders. Maybe Laura thought that thems were fightin’ crunches? Or it could be that Laura is just cuckoo for human interaction.
Laura tells the group that Jenn had to go because she didn’t want one person’s behavior to affect everyone else’s growth. Case in point is that Jenn’s drama sidelined the awarding of VIP, which goes to Aimee, who was less tangled in bickering last week. But have no fear: this week she makes a roaring digression!
This week, by the way is, “Fashion Week” on You’re Cut Off! I’m sure the girls are more than capable to bring the snooty attitudes that generally accompany the event in its various cities. They get into their best outfits and are shuttled off to a sound stage, where they meet Robert Verdi, who’ll be running this week’s challenge.
You know, that guy. Seeing him is “one of the best moments” of Marissa’s life, she claims. That says more about her lack of life experience than Robert Verdi. Oh, the places she’ll go! Oh, the people she’ll see!
Robert calls the girls up one by one to evaluate their outfits.
He says her Louboutins are “very Beyonc�” of her. Well, maybe Beyonc�’s Louboutins are very Marissa of her. This is clearly a chicken-and-heel debate. Marissa says she spends roughly $300,000 a year on clothes. Hana calls her a “pig in heaven,” but I don’t think any place outside of a clothing store qualifies as “heaven” for Marissa.
Jessica has over 200 handbags, spends $10,000 a month on basic clothes and much more than that on wear-it-once gowns for galas.
Lauren is cute and pretty and nice.
Marcy has four Louis Vuitton bags. And she dares to stand in the same spot as the house’s resident handbag lady, Jessica? Sacrilege.
When it’s Hana’s turn to go up, she refuses. Clearly, she’s focused on filling the title of House Pain-in-the-Ass that Jenn left empty. That truly is what friends are for.
“No, I’m not gonna do that. I don’t need to show off or say how much I spend or what I have,” she explains. Jessica calls her a “complete douchebag,” as Hana is rocking a Chanel bag with a big, obnoxious logo. Hm, maybe Hana isn’t worried about being ostentatious — maybe she just doesn’t feel like walking a few steps to the stage. You know how these girls are about any physical exertion! “I’m priceless, you can’t put a tag on me,” she says. If ever there were a stage musical adaption of this show, “I’m Priceless, You Can’t Put a Tag on Me” could work as the title of both an early Act 1 character-establishing number or a late Act 2 song displaying the character’s growth. Pretty brilliant.
Anyway, we’ll move on just like Robert does without forcing Hana to go up on the platform. The girls are divided into two teams for a little game called…
…Budget or Bank. The whole point of this lesson is to teach the girls that they don’t have to spend a million dollars to look like a million dollars. It is funny when people spend a million dollars to look like a buck 50, though. Who teaches that lesson? No one on reality TV, usually and, more importantly, sadly. Assisting Robert will be the lovely…
…Erica Rose, whom Robert points out graduated successfully from the first season of this show. Yes, like everybody. Very, very distinguished. Marcy immediately mocks Erica’s “cheap-ass” pink dress and “fugly” extensions.
Is that the best Marcy could do? Not even a plastic surgery barb or anything? Erica wins on principle. “A lot of you guys could use a serious reality check and so I’m here to help you out!” she tells them. Receiving a reality check from Erica Rose is like receiving a lesson in fantasy from a homeless person. Perhaps the girls will experience that, as well — there’s still plenty of the season left.
Anyway, what Erica’s going to be doing is playing one of Robert’s Beauties, as he reads potential prices for things she’s modeling, a la The Price is Right.
For example: is this coat “budget” at $200 or does it break the bank at $1200? Hana and Nadia both guess budget and they are both wrong. It is a vintage fur and it’s worth much more than its hideousness suggests.
Are these chocolates $4 or $40? Marissa and Aimee both go with the budget option and they also are wrong! These girls really need to realize that this game is crafted to confound their expectations and they should always guess opposite of their gut, especially when it’s full of foul-tasting chocolate.
Are these sunglasses $15 or $500? Marcy is something of a “sunglasses whore” and she knows they’re $15. That’s Lauren’s guess, too. They are both wrong. “So you’re not a good sunglasses whore anymore,” Erica tells her. To be fair, Marcy never said she was a good whore, just a whore. Marcy says Erica looks like a hooker. If ever there were a case of “it takes one to know one,” surely this must be it.
How ’bout this perfume? Budget at $55 or breaking the bank at $5,500?
Marissa says bank and Lauren says budget. Marissa is right! The Orange Team is on the board!
Finally, there is a wedding dress.
Is it budget at $200 or bank at $3,200. Many of the girls argue that $3,200 is still budget for a wedding dress. None of these people are married, right? Whatever, Jessica and Marcy both say, “Budget,” and they are both incorrect. Orange Team wins the game with one measly point. If it weren’t for other people’s ignorance, where would the state of our entertainment be? Anyway, the Orange Team soon finds out exactly what their win will get them…
…more money to style noted socialite Tinsley Mortimer for this week’s challenge. Using $300, they’ll have to pick out red-carpet and after-party outfits, in which to style Tinsley. The less fortunate losing Blue Team gets only $150. But, of course, all the money in the world couldn’t have really helped them as they will be doing this styling from the Swap Meet…
Hana thinks it is “disgusting.” Is she saying she’s better than the people who work there? I think she is, which: WAAAAH! Marissa thinks “Swap Meet” sounds like “a good store where they slaughter pigs,” while Marcy calls it a “food court for clothes.” Couldn’t you basically say either of those things about any mall, though? Somewhere along the line, Marissa is convinced that “swap” says “swamp,” and so she starts saying things like, “What do we have to do now, find clothes in a swamp?” and notes that all of the stores in the “Swamp Meet” couldn’t equal her shoes. Also, I think her shoes have more precise tongues than her, even if they don’t actually have tongues at all.
The girls begin their shopping.
Hana does a lot of yelling about bracelets and what colors are or are not black.
Marcy and Marissa, meanwhile, are tempted to buy things for themselves and give into that temptation — the former buys a ski mask and the latter gets a pair of glasses frames. It’s all good, though, as they call the outfit that Nadia’s trying on for Tinsley a success.
Once back and ready to show it, though, competitor Aimee describes Nadia’s outfit thusly: “Nadia looks like when a hooker goes to Good Will to pick up for her first night on the town and then is told by her pimp, ‘This will not work.’” Woe be to the outfit that is too trashy even to be pimp-approved.
While presenting, Marcy says that the “dazzling ruby gown” will accentuate Tinsley’s hour glass figure. Tinsley bristles.
Really, though: if Tinsley’s figure is any kind of glass, it’s Collins glass.
That’s the red carpet look…
…and here’s the after-party outfit:
“We hope you love our choices as much as we loved having you as a client,” is how Marcy concludes. I can say in no uncertain terms that she did not. Next up is Blue Team:
And that’s that. Tinsley thinks that the Blue Team captured the girlishness she requested upon announcing her taste to them before the swap meet, but they didn’t cover the edge that is essential to her look. Also the slit on Lauren’s dress would only be pimp-approved if said pimp got a little stabby with the switchblade. Hana chimes in to say that she doesn’t know why they had to go to a swap meet when styling Tinsley. She asks Tinsley if she would have gone and Tinsley lies, “Absolutely.” How strange that we didn’t spot her in the background trying on converted furniture upholstery and camo pants.
As for the Orange Team’s selections, Tinsley doesn’t like sparkles and thinks the keyhole on the dress Nadia modeled is trashy. Hmmm, something about describing swap-meet bought duds as “trashy” just doesn’t sound right. Oh wait, yes it does. She thinks their after-party outfit works better, but it doesn’t matter because the Blue Team has won this challenge.
This is not without a bit of extra effort on Aimee’s part, as she throws the Orange Team under the bus by mentioning their self-purchases. “It was a gag,” says Marcy on the ski mask. Well, that’s a relief. I thought she was actually going skiing!
“I don’t even know why the ski mask has to come up. It’s like ugh,” says Marcy, gagging.
At home, Aimee assigns chores. Fence-painting goes to Marcy, Nadia and Hana. The latter of which is initially reluctant to join in, of course.
Aimee warns her that if she fails, she shouldn’t expect groceries, so Hana then works double-time…
…for a bit, and then she takes a break to tan.
She does, though, direct Marcy and Nadia from her spot to keep the paint off the plants. Hey, supervising is still work!
Once it’s grocery time, Aimee confers with the other girls on what she is buying. Hana requests cigarettes and Aimee tells her no.
“All I’m asking for is a pack of cigarettes! I’m not gonna eat,” says Hana. If she doesn’t graduate from the You’re Cut Off! school, at least she can say that she can say that she graduated from the Jenn Jowett School of Fine Bratting. There’s a bit of a scuffle…
…and some vague threats from Hana regarding all the time they have left in the house together, basically egging on Aimee to try her and “bring it.” And so, Aimee does. She brings it by leaving the cigarettes in the store, even though they came in under budget and she totally could have grabbed them.
Hana must think her empty threats carry some weight because she seems legitimately surprised when Aimee comes back empty-handed. And then she ends up pouring soda down the drain that she asked for, which is like cutting off your nose to spite the bubbles coming out of it.
The whole display really approaches the bizarre. It’s like avant garde theater with really, really good funding (seriously, most theaters would kill for even the small amount of money that comes as a result of the financial limitations imposed on the girls).
At group, Laura is disappointed with everyone.
There’s drama and extra-curricular gag shopping and crappy grocery shopping, and so, everyone has failed. Laura seems aghast that with half of the program down, these girls are still acting like entitled princesses. Well, you know what they say: bad habits die brattily.
Source: http://blog.vh1.com/2011-01-31/youre-cut-off-2-recap-episode-4-a-dollar-saved-is-a-dollar-swapped/
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